It was always my dream to be a dancer and a singer. Every year when the school gave us a form to fill in and to update our particulars, there was a column to write in our ambitions. We can put in three ambitions. The first one I wrote was dancer, then singer and last, police.
Kampung Pinang was finished in 1986. All the house was being bulldozer down to pieces by the authority and replaced with high rise flats, apartments and condominiums in concrete. We were being relocated to a place called Pantai Dalam, where we were given a unit of the longhouse (with only one small living and dining hall, a small kitchen and very small bathroom and toilet, and one medium size bedroom which we converted it into two small size bedrooms) built by the developer to put us in for temporary before we moved back to the new concrete flats (which we need to buy from the developer) in “Kampung Pinang” which they changed the name to Taman Sri Sentosa. Each block of the longhouses had ten units. My parents were being given one unit and my sister who was already married then also being given one unit side by side with ours. It was about around 80 to 90 blocks of longhouses there as I can remember. We had spent one and a half years living there. Some years later after we moved out, I heard that the longhouses were gone after a big fire broke out.
Not long after we moved into the longhouses, one day, our TV station was showing a concert video – Madonna Virgin Tour. I had recorded it into a video tape. Everyday I played that video wanted to learn to sing all her songs and dance like her. I was around fifteen years old when I first heard of Madonna and her songs from television programs. Somehow I found her very positive and energetic, and she gave me strong inspiration to become a good and successful performer. In fact she was my life changer. It doesn’t matter that she had a bad reputation or having “bad girl” image, she had inspired me to move on my life with hopes and dreams during the time I had encountered some difficult emotional problems while I was a teenager. In those days, conservative people would condemned us if we tried to imitate Madonna’s moves and personality. Anyway, I didn’t do anything stupid to ruin my life even though I was so depressed and angry at one stage. I was inspired by Madonna to change the condition of my unhappy teenager life experiences. She was the motivator for me to strive to be a better person.
I had choreographed my own dance moves and had entered many dance competitions even though I didn’t go through any proper training. My intention was not to win, but I enjoyed dancing and performing so much and I had a dream to be a dance champion for once in my life one day. My dream did come true later in life and unexpectedly even though it was not really a dance competition but sports aerobics competition which required much more effort, skill and intensity. That I will tell the whole story later.
If I haven’t been through those hardships and unhappiness while I was a teenager, I won’t be here today doing what I am doing. It would be a complete different life style and perception of life. It was because I had experienced deep anger, hatred, and depression about what was happening in our family, I wanted to know about life and the Truth, and why are we suffering even though we have been good and kind to others? It was a great life experience for anybody to experience painful sorrow and suffering, to understand what is suffering and why, and to find out how to transcend suffering. And this is the path towards self-transformation and self-realization. If I always in good and easy life, being happy all the time, I think I won’t be thinking about these questions and I won’t know how other people feel when they are suffering anger, hatred, depression and in painful sorrow.
One day I came across a Buddhism Dhamma book titled “Our fate Is In Our Own Control” which talked about how we can change our destiny and control our own life. It was like Madonna, another life changer for me.
I was so tired about being sad and angry. I asked myself, why do I have to live my life in sadness and full of hatred? I have the right and the choice to be happy or unhappy. I don’t want to continue living my life in sadness and hatred. I wanted to change my life. It was so meaningless feeling sad and angry all the time.
After I read that book, Immediately I made a firm resolution that I want to come out of miseries.
The Dhamma taught me to be independent and to have self-control, to stop having evil and negative intentions, thoughts, actions and speech, to do good and have kind and positive intentions, thoughts, actions and speech. It taught me to have patience, compassion and letting go and to endure uncomfortable situations and feelings. It taught me to have gratitude and appreciation for the little good things that I have and not complain about things that don’t happen according to my wish.
When we were living in the longhouse, I decided to go to a dancing school to learn proper dance skill and work my way to be a successful dancer. I told my parents about my wish. They were very supportive. We went in search for good dancing school aound Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya. I ended up in a Yoga and Aerobics Dance Academy where the principle told me that I was very talented and encouraged me to take up the aerobics dance instructor course with her. It would cost 600 Ringgit Malaysia. We were in financial difficulty but my brother would give part of his salary from that month to me for the course fee and the rest of the salary went for helping the family daily expenses. And so, I started teaching aerobics dance classes and a few yoga classes even before I finished the course. The principle recruited me as her assistant and I did many stage performances for the company as well. I had worked for her for two and a half years. And all these experiences had taught me another life lesson. The yoga classes then was not really Yoga practice but just doing some exercise with yoga poses.
I remember that since I was little, I like to dance and do a lots of stretching exercises which is the same as yoga poses but I have no idea that they were part of yoga poses. And all the Dhamma that I have learnt, I have no idea that they are the same as Yoga teachings. Not until I went to India for the Yoga Teachers Training Course in the ashram, I realized that what I have been practicing and believe in all the time was not any different from Yoga. Changing from teaching exercise and fitness classes into sharing Yoga with many people is another great story that I will tell later.
Everything was there already on the path for me, that’s all I can say for the moment. Since I was a little girl, without any intention I had have strong six sense about good and bad energy, and sensing what is happening to my family and some close friends and have predictions or visions or dreams about what is going to happen. Without any expectation I represented Malaysia for world sports aerobics championship in France and then became Malaysian champion after that, having my dream came true. Without any intention to change from teaching fitness exercise classes into giving yoga classes, and without any financial planning I made it to India twice for Yoga Courses, and how I have met my husband now in India during the Yoga course without the intention to get into a relationship and having a life partner. Without any idea to move to anywhere in the world, I am now in Langkawi.
And all these are already the past. A memory. A history. It did happened once but it doesn’t exist anymore. Whether I was angry and depressed before, whether I was a champion before, whether I was being disappointed before, whether I have learnt how to change my life and came out of miseries, and whether I was happy and content, they all are just some stories to tell how that I ended up here and doing what I am doing now.
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